Halloween…the least scary day of the year

31 10 2014


Halloween is here. Again.

Having spent most of my formative years in England, I was lucky enough to miss out on the joy of dressing up in a costume and being forced to harass strangers for chocolate on a designated day.

This also meant that I wasn’t able to fully appreciate just how important it is to keep your door closed in the week leading up to the big night on October 31, and while the practice of parent-approved begging/extortion has now become popular in the UK, it has a long way to go before it reaches the insanity levels of the USA.

With that in mind, I don’t want to be a killjoy on a day when dressing up and terrifying people is widely accepted, so here are some scary thoughts. Read the rest of this entry »

Cleaning Up After Mother Nature…With A Chainsaw

26 10 2014


Unless you are a lumberjack, waking up to the sound of a chainsaw can be a vaguely unsettling experience. Even more so if you are located on an island that is known primarily for its pink sandy beaches, reinsurance market and rum-based libations of varying strengths.

But for many Bermudians, the depressing sound of nature being chopped into small pieces has become very familiar in the last few days. As most people on this side of the pond are more than aware, this 21-square-mile patch of land was hit by two major weather events in the space of a week – “Tropical Storm” Fay and Hurricane Gonzalo – and while Fay reportedly caught the country with its shorts down, residents were more prepared for the extreme winds that picked up where the storm had left off.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s Christmas Time…There Is No Need To Be Afraid

25 12 2011

Christmas time, Mistletoe and Wine
Children singing Christian rhyme
With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
A time to rejoice in the good that we see

The USA had Elvis Presley, in the UK we had to make do with Cliff Richard.

A never-aging, God-bothering, tennis-playing singer/songwriter whose only redeeming feature was that he didn’t release that many songs in the later years of his career. Except at Christmas.

The lyrics above are from an especially irritating tune called Mistletoe & Wine.

According to Wikipedia it was “Cliff’s 99th single, it became his 12th UK number one single, spending four weeks at the top in December 1988 – selling 750,000 copies in the process. It was the best-selling single of 1988 in the UK.”

Which meant that every year since, it was played on a regular rotatation on the radio and gangs of well-meaning vocal groups would roam through neighbourhoods singing it at people until they were paid to go away.

This is not my “bah humbug” moment. I had that on Black Friday when the countdown to Christmas begun and the shops were filled with festive music.

I admit that I am not a big fan of December 25.

I like the getting together with family (I am currently with my extended one in Bermuda) and I enjoy sitting by a fire with a glass of mulled wine or champagne. I look forward to turkey with all the trimmings, the opening of gifts and I have been known to tune into the Queen’s Christmas Message – which normally is a nice reminder that just because you are extremely wealthy and own a lot of hats, it doesn’t mean that your Annus is any less Horribilis then everyone elses.

But the one thing I look forward to more than anything else is knowing that when January 1 arrives the radio will start playing proper music again and that we won’t have to endure “Feed The World”, “Last Christmas”, Slade’s “Merry Christmas Everybody” or having Bing bleating on about how he is dreaming of  a White Christmas.

Christmas music comes once a year, that is something to rejoice in. For the other eleven months, proper music is made by proper people.

And none of it mentions Santa or his overflowing sack.

Happy Holidays.

If You are Reading this Tomorrow….

21 05 2011

Today is the end of the world.

So I didn’t see the point in writing anything of any real substance, of putting any thoughts out into the virtual world that dealt with matters of concern or even who I think is going to win American Idol.

It doesn’t matter. Today is the Rapture. It all ends here for the unfaithful, we get to watch the return of Jesus Christ and marvel at the chosen ones being levitated to sit at his feet – then presumably it all goes BOOM and the lights go out for the last time.

Which is kind of a shame.

Because I was really looking forward to this week. I am in Bermuda, have a wedding to go to and get to work on my tan after a long Massachusetts winter.

So to sum up….

Please Note: Limeyview will return when tomorrow comes

In the Words of Hiro Nakamura – YATTAAAAAA!*

24 12 2009

Japanese is not my first language but when we arrived at Heathrow Airport yesterday and when our the interminably slow baggage carousel dispersed our bags, the urge to raise both hands in the air was overwhelming.

Some friends thought that flying from Bermuda to Boston @ 12.52PM, getting back to our apartment, unpacking, repacking (including christmas presents), going back to Logan Airport in rush hour and checking in @ 5.15 PM for a flight to London wasn’t possible.

I may have had some doubts myself (although in the spirit of Christmas, I kept them hidden).

No worries,  I was supping a relaxing pint of Sam Adams in the airport bar @ 5.25. Read the rest of this entry »

Your Call Is Important To Us -Seasons Greetings from Delta and Expedia

21 12 2009

Adjusting the volume on the phone earpiece, I asked for the Expedia agent to repeat what she had just said.

Mr Bolton, I can advise you that in order to change the flight to London from Monday 21st December, arriving Heathrow on 22nd December to 7.45 PM leaving Boston on 22nd December and arriving on 23rd December, the additional fee will be $6,890 per person.”

That’s what I thought she said.

Picking my jaw from the floor, and holding my breath for 10 seconds, I calmly asked her how this rather unreasonable fee had been calculated.

She then went into a company-endorsed spiel that factored in the time of the year, the airline requirements for penalty fees in the event of the traveller being required to change his or her flight plans and the procedure that she had followed which calculated the penalty change for my obviously difficult request.

Just under $7,000 to move a flight by one day.

Nearly the same amount of cash that would buy 10 days in Disneyland. For one.

The same amount of money that a pancake waitress can expect to earn from a kiss and tell story about an encounter with a C-List celebrity.

And the reason why I had made this unreasonable request?

Extreme weather on the East Coast of the USA, and a cancelled Delta flight from Bermuda on the Saturday had ensured that we were not able to fly back to Boston before Tuesday at the earliest.

Which meant that we would not make a flight on Monday back to London. Read the rest of this entry »

Bermuda – A Six-Legged Utopia

18 12 2009

“You go to heaven if you want, I’d rather stay here in Bermuda

Mark Twain (possibly after completing a spoiled walk at one of the island’s eight golf courses)

There are many things to be enjoyed at the start of the day in Bermuda.

The probability of another glorious sunrise, the anticipation of dark n’stormys (local drink) in the afternoon and on a Sunday the traditional codfish and potato breakfast.

However for me, it is the brushing away of the first ant from my skin that heralds the true start of a Bermudian morning.

Despite an aversion to most crawling things, I have never really had a problem with these determined little creatures before. They may have been slightly annoying at some picnics, but even then that was normally due to a badly sealed Tupperware box of edibles.

I have even found them to be endearing and cute in animated movies, despite the disconcerting notion of an ant with the voice of Sharon Stone….Basic Instinct with far too many legs.

I have admired their work ethic and amazing ability to carry items far heavier than themselves. But no more.

I hate ants.

My numerous visits to Bermuda have instilled a pathological hatred of these six-legged annoyance devices. No one can deny that this island can be a paradise, but for the ant it is Utopia.

They are even active in December when they are supposed to be sleeping. Rain or shine, the ant is omnipresent. Read the rest of this entry »