Halloween…the least scary day of the year

31 10 2014

dead

Halloween is here. Again.

Having spent most of my formative years in England, I was lucky enough to miss out on the joy of dressing up in a costume and being forced to harass strangers for chocolate on a designated day.

This also meant that I wasn’t able to fully appreciate just how important it is to keep your door closed in the week leading up to the big night on October 31, and while the practice of parent-approved begging/extortion has now become popular in the UK, it has a long way to go before it reaches the insanity levels of the USA.

With that in mind, I don’t want to be a killjoy on a day when dressing up and terrifying people is widely accepted, so here are some scary thoughts.

Sarah Palin

Although her ignorance and bafflingly popular appeal scares the bejeezus out of me, the news that she is seriously thinking about making a run for the White House in 2016 made me want to hide behind the sofa. Various news outlets reported that she wants to take on the “intolerant liberal media” and “bug the crap” out of her haters by being there “with a voice.”

Despite having not held public office since 2009, the Palin has never shirked from the spotlight, and it would be great to have her back. Not politically, of course, as she is a car crash just waiting to happen and bat-shit crazy, but more along the lines of see-what-could-have-happened if voters had chosen McCain all those years ago.

Ebola

Total cases in West Africa are around the 10,000 mark, and it is certainly a concern for countries that have inadequate health care and limited access to preventative medicine. Which is not the case in the majority of the United States.

Nine reported cases is not an epidemic. Putting people in quarantine for 21 days after they return from affected countries just fuels the fear that we are close to a 12 Monkeys-type scenario. Ditto restricting flights from countries that don’t even have ebola and installing health checks at airports.

Senator Rand Paul states that the disease is “incredibly contagious,” the World Health Organization says that the chances of catching it from somebody who coughs or sneezes in your personal space is “incredibly low.” I know who I believe.

Pumpkin Spice Lattes

It is nearly November. Starbucks will stop selling them soon. As will every damn coffee shop that thinks pumpkin tastes nice in a hot beverage.

Newsflash; it doesn’t. Every year I fall for the same marketing trick and buy a pumpkin-flavored coffee drink and instantly remember that it is not a taste sensation, just another way of getting me to realize that I like pumpkin when it is turned into a soup. Not in my coffee.

Jeb Bush

See Sarah Palin. Minus the bat-shit crazy part.

Christmas.

Just over a month away. By tomorrow morning all of the Halloween-related rubbish that has been clogging up the shelves of retailers across the country will have been replaced by Christmas-related rubbish.

Stores will now play Christmas music until December 25, Santa Claus will become a fixture at malls and shopping districts, a succession of ugly jumpers – probably featuring reindeer or snowmen – will be worn in a non-ironic sense and Fox News will run a daily segment on how the liberal left are waging a “war on Christmas.”

Happy halloween.

Enjoy your day, the rest of the year will still be scary.

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