Mitt has a ‘mare in Missabama…an American Horror Story

16 03 2012

Spoiler Alert: This Post continues information that some may find to be disturbing. It is about the Republicans…again. It contains the words Santorum and Romney. I will understand if you don’t want to read it.

When I was a teenager, I dabbled in horror movies for a time.

I didn’t act in them or produce them, I just watched them. It was all part of an interesting experiment that I was doing that revolved around my insomnia and my constant nightmares.

My logic was faultless.

If I can’t sleep because I’m scared of my dreams but I am not watching anything that scares me then it follows that actually absorbing violent, gory and disturbing images directly into my brain might be enough to banish the demons from my cupboard.

It was inspired by ‘A Clockwork Orange’. But with less Beethoven.

So for three or four years, I watched a lot of horror movies. I didn’t really enjoy them, found them to be generally unsatisfying – with the exception of the fact that nubile young ladies normally spent a vast amount of time running around and screaming. And the nightmares didn’t go away.

But I could tell the difference between Freddy and Jason, knew who Pinhead was and realized that Stephen King books were far scarier than the film versions.

The continuing saga of the race to be the Republican nominee to take on Obama later in the year makes me think of horror movies.

On Tuesday, the failure of Mitt Romney to even finish second in the two latest primaries had me hiding behind my couch in terror. In every slasher movie, there is the option for one of the soon-to-be victims to enter a dark place with no flashlight where he/she will meet their gruesome end (or discover the skinned bodies of local people being dined on by a family of inbred mutants).

Don’t go in there, you shout. Get the f**k out, save yourself…run away.

But they blunder in regardless, oblivious to all the signs.

This week, the 2012 Republican tour reached Alabama and Mississippi. I will say straight away that I have friends in both of these fine states, but Mitt must have known that he was going to have it tough there.

The American South is different. Not bad neccessarily…just different.

Take a look at some of these questions that were being asked of residents by pollsters before the votes were cast on Tuesday;

  • Would you describe yourself as very liberal, somewhat liberal, moderate, somewhat conservative, or very conservative?
  • Are you an Evangelical Christian, or not?
  • Are you an Alabama or Auburn fan?
  • Do you think Alabama’s new immigration law has been a good thing or a bad thing for the state?
  • Do you have a favorable or unfavorable opinion of Rush Limbaugh?
  • Do you think Barack Obama is a Christian or a Muslim, or are you not sure?
  •  Do you believe in evolution, or not?
  •  Do you think that interracial marriage should be legal or illegal?
  • Are you a Democrat or a Republican?

The answers that were given by those polled may give a slight hint as to why Rick Santorum – against abortion, against same-sex marriage, not keen on Obama-care, has The Bible as his favorite work of non-fiction – beat Mitt so convincingly . Even Newt Gingrich (will stop the Government terminating the lives of the elderly, setting up moon-bases within eight years, believes in the sanctity of marriage) gave Mitt an electoral kicking.

While the results of a poll can be interpreted in many ways (depending on what answer you actually want to get), the Missabama answers illuminated the path that this country could find itself on if (shudder)…Santorum gets the nomination and the country turns against Obama;

  • 81 percent of those polled declared themselves to be either somewhat or very conservative
  • 68 percent were Evangelical Christians
  • 58 percent were Alabama fans, 28 percent were Auburn, 14 percent weren’t sure (I am assuming this is some sort of college football question).
  • 67 percent thought that the new immigration law in Alabama was a good thing – the strictest in the country, includes the power to stop people if there is “reasonable suspicion” that the person has entered the USA illegally.
  • 53 percent like Rush Limbaugh
  • 45 percent think that Barack is a Muslim, 41 percent weren’t sure (and then went to look up what the word meant).
  • 60 percent don’t believe in evolution, 13 percent were on the fence – a fence that was a gift from God, who created all the trees and the means to cut them down before instructing his followers to form a holy place called Home Depot.
  • 67 percent thought that interracial marriage should be legal – bit of a surprise this answer, wasn’t expecting that.
  • 76 percent were Republican, 3 percent bravely identified themselves as Democrat.

It’s not as if I actually like Mitt, I think that Romney is an appalling choice for any elected office.

His arrogance and position within the top 1 percent of the nation’s earners makes me want him to get humiliated on a daily basis but on the plus side he does have a habit of doing what he thinks will get him approval from the voters.

Mitt spent a fortune in the South trying to get the votes, the delegates that will propel him towards the 1,144 needed for the Republican nomination and the right to take on the apparent Socialist/Marxist/Maoist/Communist President that is currently deciding when to open the first collective farms and where to build his salt mines for dissenters.

But the Republican Roadshow doesn’t want Mitt. They probably don’t even want Rick or Newt and they certainly have no love for Ron. But (at the moment) nobody else is throwing their hat into the ring.

And so we grind on, three candidates spending money to spread their message and the fourth one staying in the race to make his point.

The Republican Convention is in August and at this moment in time, the political Right have no idea what the bumper stickers will say. What is obvious is that Mitt can’t seal the deal and Rick could be the challenger that takes on the President.

If that is the case, then be afraid, be very afraid. Just make sure that you turn on the light when you go into your cellar, who knows what might be lurking down there in the dark…

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