Watch Out Mitt…there’s a new millionaire in Massachusetts.

5 03 2012
Dear Friends of Limeyview,
This could be the last time that I need to sit at my laptop and type away in the hope that someone is checking my little slice of Internet heaven.
Because I am rich. Filthy, stinking, nearly-as-wealthy-as-Mitt-Romney rich. I am loaded…and it’s all thanks to me being a beneficiary of someone in Nigeria.
While spending the hours checking through the hundreds of pieces of junk mail that arrive on a daily basis, I had just finished deleting some tempting offers to meet single, Christian women in my area – which was annoying because I was also invited to purchase Viagra at a very low price – when I realized that the FBI were trying to get hold of me.
With trembling fingers, I clicked on the email and found out that I will soon qualify for a higher tax rate!
This is what I received;
FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C.
Federal bureau of investigation
J. Edgar Hoover building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001
Ref: FBI/DC/25/09
 
Tel:  206-495-9765
 
Attention: Fund Beneficiary.
 
This is an official advice from the FBI foreign remittance/telegraphic dept. it has come to our notice that bank of Nigeria has released 15,000,000.00 U.S dollars into Federal Reserve Bank in Washington DC in your name as the beneficiary, by Inheritance means. And The bank of Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to effect this payment from the United Kingdom to your account, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (S.T.D.P) to pay this fund through wire transfer, they used this means to complete the payment.
 
Now after the investigation on this fund we find out that this fund was transferred illegally from federal republic of Nigeria, we make contact to know why the make on known transfer into federal reserved bank in Washington DC the government of Nigeria inform us that these fund was transferred illegally that the officials that is handling this transfer want to made away with the fund, now they are under the custody of Nigerian authorities, we are informed that you are the original beneficiary to this amount then we have to carried out our investigation to know if they are telling us the fact because we believe that Nigerian are full of scams cheaters.
 
Now your fund is no longer in Nigeria rather its in Federal Reserve Bank in united state of America in Washington DC you have to contact us immediately so that we will direct you on how to receive your fund from the federal reserve bank. Now that your fund is united state of America you don’t have any more problems the imposters in Nigeria are behind the bar, I received a letter from the Nigerian police this morning that the approval will be sending to us today
 
The account number where your fund is 0090321673
Your name…………..
Address ………………
Email address……
Country……..
Telephone number………………
The amount that was transferred into federal reserved bank is…………………15.000.000.00
This contact has to be made today so that your fund will be direct into your local checking account.
 
Best Regards
ROBERT S. MUELLER, III
DIRECTOR
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535
 
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This communication and its attachments may contain non-public, confidential or legally privileged information. The unlawful interception, use or disclosure of such information is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, or have received this communication in error,please notify the sender immediately by reply email and delete all copies of this communication and attachments without reading or saving them.
Obviously I was delighted by this news…$15,000,000 and all I need to do is contact them with all my details.
According to the FBI, the “imposters in Nigeria are behind the bar” and that now that “your fund is united state of America you don’t have any more problems”. This is great news.
I am a lucky guy. As the original beneficiary to the illegal transferred account, I can sleep safe in my bed knowing that FBI have carried out their investigation with the same amount of dedication and attention to detail as they did with the X-Files and the murder of Marilyn.
How do I know this? Because they tell me in this email. They have done their research and can advise that “Nigerian are full of scams cheaters.”
Which means that whoever wrote this email must be confident that the right people are now “behind the bar.”
Now if you will excuse me, I need to supply the FBI with all the information that they will need to make me a millionaire…
See you in the yacht club, we can celebrate with a glass of sparkling white wine.
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