And Then There Were Six…

4 01 2012

The never-ending saga of the GOP nomination process was dealt a massive blow today when the news that God had told Michelle Bachmann to suspend her bid was announced to a coffee shop full of weeping supporters.

Bachmann had been hoping that her faith in the Almighty would be enough to guarantee her path to the White House but found that her Lord was not in the mood to piss around with candidates that were unlikely to win the nomination.

The odds were stacked heavily against Michelle from the start and despite being a leading contender for fifteen minutes in the middle of September 2011, her campaign had stumbled along like an athlete with a torn hamstring. The only plus in her favor was that she outlasted Herman Cain, whose own belief systems had taken a fearful battering when it was revealed that he got his inspiration not from a higher power but through the teachings of Pokemon.

Beaten but unrepetant, the Minnesota congresswoman was grateful for the chance to secure her spot as a commentator for Fox News and vowed that this would not be the last we would see of her as the race to challenge Obama finally starts to weed out the wheat from the chaff.

Bachmann has been  an illuminating presence on the campaign trail, her grasp of international politics and American history has been a shining example to all and her withdrawal from the race now means that Rick Perry can start planning his own path towards inevitable failure.





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