Fool Me Once…

21 10 2011

This time I was ready.

I have spent the last month not doing anything else apart from making sure that I was fully prepared. Which meant of course that I have neglected certain non-essential functions. Mainly this blog, but there have been other casualties of my desire to not get distracted and to ensure that come the glorious day, I would not have to hide under the table but could walk forward into the light with a smile on my face.

I didn’t even have time to mourn the death of Steve Jobs and the end of Sarah Palin as a meaningful political figure. And believe me, I wanted to.

Rejoice, Brothers and Sisters (and those of undetermined sexuality who feel that Dancing With The Stars is the best medium for your message). The Day has Come.

Rapture 2; The Return of Camping.

We all know he got it wrong back in May but today is the day when he confidently predicted that all the believers would be taken up into the Kingdom of Wal-Mart and take their rightful place at the side of a still-to-be decided celestial being. Even the ones who strayed from the path in May when they returned home to find that they had sold their house and quit their jobs for no reason. And still had bills to pay.

And the laughter of their neighbors to face. But that isn’t the point. In Harold We Trust.

When you follow a prophet, you have to take the rough with the smooth. Prophets don’t get it right all the time, they have to interpret the messages as best they can and sometimes they can be a little off the pace.

That is what makes the job of a prophet so difficult, knowing that your followers think that you have all the answers and that your personal connection to a supreme entity is operating on a decent live stream.

In the Book of Religion, there is more than one email address and there are numerous operators happy to put you on hold while they connect you to the wrong department.

And that is what happened to Harold. He pressed the wrong button, got through to an intern who didn’t know anything about his account and was working in a call center in Asgard. Hence the mix-up with the dates.

But today, October 21 2011, this was it. Harold The Prophet was confident that this was the right one, that he could claw back some respectability from ashes of his shattered reputation as Prophet.

You probably already know how this turned out.

After the debacle in May, Harold Camping said it had “dawned” on him that God would spare humanity “hell on Earth for five months” and the apocalypse would happen on 21 October.

It is already October 22 in some parts of the World. It’s early evening in America and so far….he’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy.

Not so much a countdown to destruction but Apocalypse Not Quite Now. The Four Horsemen are still deciding which pair of boots to wear and whether pestilence is really the way forward in our disease-savvy world.

I’m going to give it another 30 minutes or so and then I might make myself a cup of tea. Which I will drink under the table.

Just in case.

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