I Would Have Written This Sooner but………

15 07 2010

Procrastination n. delay, defer, postpone

There's always time........

I am an awesome procrastinator.

At least 25% of my day is taken up with serious procrastination, sometimes even 50% of the time that I am awake is concerned with delaying inevitability.

In terms of the present participle, procrastinating is something that I partake in on a regular basis. I don’t actually enjoy it as much as some other activities that end in ….ing, it is a skill that I would rather not have on my resume but I understand and accept the “value” that it brings to my life.

I am probably not alone.

As ever, I look for someone to blame for my addiction to procrastination. The problem is that (to quote Led Zeppelin) it’s “nobody’s fault but mine”, the monkey on my back just sits there and adds nothing.

So I have decided to blame the news. mainly because there is just so much of it. Wake up in the morning and the news has continued to be generated through the night. Events have carried on, decisions have been made and there is not enough time to find out everything that you need to know.

My procrastinating normally starts with a cup of coffee and checking my four different email addresses. From there I go into various news media sources – BBC, Sky Sports, Boston Globe, The Independent, New York Times, Rolling Stone – where I scroll through items of interest before being distracted by either Twitter or Facebook, and the day generally goes downhill from there.

If I have a meeting to go to or errands to run, I try to limit myself to the BBC. But even that doesn’t often stop the ‘nation. If I stupidly then decide to turn on the TV, I can easily lose an hour or so to CNN, Fox Soccer Channel or even a re-run of Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares on BBC America.

So I need to get my procrastination under control, otherwise I might miss gems such as

  • GOP Chairman Michael Steele claiming that the war in Afghanistan was” a war of Obama’s choosing. This is not something the United States had actively prosecuted or wanted to engage in.” The war started in 2001, was instigated by former President Bush and recently surpassed Vietnam as the US’s longest overseas engagement. The only sensible thing that this elected representative said was that “the one thing you don’t do, is engage in a land war in Afghanistan.” Thanks for that Mike, look forward to your next piece of insightful hindsight.
  • $307,000 per week? Hell Yeah

    LeBron James leaving Cleveland Cavaliers for Miami Heat. This move by a free agent sparked fury amongst fans who accused him of betraying the team, the region and the sport by deciding to leave for sunnier climes. The fact that Miami were prepared to pay him $16 million per year to showcase his athletic ability seems to have been lost on the owner of the Cavaliers who accused James of a “cowardly betrayal”. Newsflash : the only loyalty in sport comes from the fans : the ones who pay their money to watch and support their team, people who buy replica jerseys and the ones for whom the team is bigger than any one player. I don’t know why Mr. James decided to let his contract run out – and to be fair I don’t care – but anyone who lets a player of talent go for nothing should be looking at their own business practices rather than criticising an athlete who has to make the most of the short time that they are able to perform at the top of their chosen sport.

  • South West Airlines don’t charge for baggage. I remember when NO airline charged for baggage, now it seems this is actually a successful marketing ploy.
  • Howard Webb having a busy game in charge of the World Cup Final. Quelle surprise, he wasn’t up to the task as he has often proved in EPL games – mainly making decisions against my beloved Tottenham Hotspur.

Hands up if you have lost control.

  • Glenn Beck starting his own University (online) which  “is a unique academic experience bringing together experts in the fields of religion, American history and economics.”  By giving the student access to “captivating lectures and interactive online discussions, these experts will explore the concepts of Faith, Hope and Charity and show you how they influence America’s past, her present and most importantly her future.Words actually fail me on this one.
  • Former professional Australian and now irritating violent bigot, Mel Gibson, being as charming as ever to someone he has fallen out with…this time it’s Mad Mel’s ex-girlfriend on the wrong side of Braveheart. Showing a command of English that has been missing in nearly every movie that he has made, he comes up with such pearls as  “You should just f—– smile and b–w me,because I deserve it.” he yells, and follows that up with “You have no f—- soul“; “You’re a dishonest c—“; “I will make your goddamn life miserable” – or she could just watch ‘What Women Want’; “You need a f—- bat in the side of the head”; and, of course, the death threat: “I’ll put you in a f—- rose garden you c—! You understand that? Because I’m capable of it. You understand that?“. If only Gibson was capable of a movie that wasn’t either dreadful or historically inaccurate – I don’t include Payback, Mad Max 2 or the first Lethal Weapon in this (I liked them).

    They will never take our freedom....to be a wanker

And these are just some of the highlights that have passed me by whilst in the throes of procrastination. But I will try and cut down my delaying tactics, because Life does move pretty fast (as my hero Ferris Bueller once said and he is a man who is the anti-procrastinator). After all, you just never know what you might miss.

Still at least the BP Oil Spill is all sorted now…………




2 responses

16 07 2010

Now you’ve got me at it. I just read all of that and missed the news that the Yorkshire Ripper is to spend the rest of his life in jail. At my expense. Shame he didn’t shoot himself, like all good murderers seem to do these days.

16 07 2010
Anthony Carlson

Payback was a great movie…ok, back to work.

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